The Joys of the Jack in the Box Taco

TACO Trump wishes he had half of the cat food's game.

Last week, Trump threw a hissy fit over his new nickname. The internet has been ablaze with TACO memes. Trump has bigger things to worry about this week, with former “First Buddy” Elon Musk trashing his “Big, Beautiful Bill” as a “disgusting abomination.”

Southern California actually has a taco best described as a disgusting abomination. There is nothing natural about the Jack in the Box taco. It’s unquestionably one of the most revolting things that can be found on a fast food menu, yet for whatever reason, I simply had to have it the night after last week’s column on TACO Trump went up.

One thing I love about Southern California is the abundance of fast food options. Many fast food chains got their start in the region, including McDonald’s, Taco Bell, In-N-Out Burger, Del Taco, Carl’s Jr., Panda Express, Fatburger, and, of course, Jack in the Box. I grew up in Connecticut, where McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Taco Bell were the only nearby chains. Los Angeles was quite the culture shock for my stoner’s palette that adores cheap, greasy delights.

I first lived in Claremont when I moved out west. One of my grad school buddies shared my affection for junk food. He had a peculiar rule that makes complete sense the longer I’ve lived on the West Coast. He would only eat at fast food restaurants that served both an American and Mexican menu, fairly common of the chains that are predominantly located on the West Coast.

The dual American/Mexican fast food menu was first pioneered by a man named Neal Baker, who was a contemporary of both the McDonald’s brothers and Glen Bell, founder of Taco Bell. In the 1950s, Baker launched Baker’s Burgers, now called Baker’s Drive-Thru, which operates 39 restaurants in the Inland Empire region of Southern California. Baker’s was unique for having two separate drive-thru windows, one for American fare and one for Mexican. People who wanted both would have to wait in two lines, a notion that was quickly scrapped once Baker learned how many of his customers wanted the full spread of the menu.

There was a Baker’s within walking distance on my campus in nearby Upland, California, the outskirts of the Inland Empire. Baker’s signature burger, the Double Baker, tastes essentially like an In-Out-Burger that had transitioned into a McDonald’s McDouble, carrying the freshness of a California classic style burger infused with a bit more grease. Baker’s fries tasted very similar to McDonald’s giving it a superior edge over In-N-Out’s often bland potatoes.

A Baker’s in Riverside, California

Baker’s never left the Inland Empire, essentially limiting its reach to San Bernardino and Riverside Counties. Neal Baker did not like the idea of opening any restaurants that he wouldn’t be able to drive to during the workday. Its “twin kitchen” approach was later adopted by competitors such as Del Taco, Jack in the Box, and Carl’s Jr. (Carl’s Jr.’s Mexican offerings sometimes have signage for its in-house line called Green Burrito).

There’s something uniquely American about pairing a double cheeseburger and a bean and cheese burrito. Many of my fondest grad school memories involve late nights grabbing Baker’s and unwinding with a joint after a long day’s work. My friend’s fast food philosophy rubbed off on me. Ten years later, I still tend to favor the West Coast chains over the ones that can’t give tacos and chicken nuggets on the same tab.

My first exposure to Jack in the Box came from middle school science class, a full decade before I ever ate at one. In the early 90s, Jack in the Box was responsible for one of the most prominent E. coli outbreaks that left four children dead and 178 people with permanent injuries. Touring West Coast colleges a few years later, I marveled at the idea that such a restaurant could stay open after people literally died eating their food.

I was at an Angels game with my friends two weeks ago, before all the Trump TACO news broke. I joked that I wanted to stop at Jack in the Box on the way home, repeatedly asking them if they wanted to eat cat food with me after the game. Everybody rolled their eyes and reminded me that Jack in the Box was disgusting. The fact that I call it cat food should speak for itself.

But here’s the thing. It doesn’t speak for itself. The Jack in the Box taco looks and tastes like cat food. Jack in the Box tacos are weirdly oily, with meat that shares its color with cat food. The tacos come with lettuce, hot sauce, and for whatever reason, a slice of American cheese. Yes, you read that correctly. Jack in the Box tacos have American cheese. Gross.

The famous cat food taco.

I didn’t go near those rancid tacos until one night when I was driving home from Pasadena with a friend in the middle of an impromptu storm. With one hand on the steering wheel, the other holding my taco, I marveled at this thing that is shaped like food, but hardly tastes like food. I liked the cat food.

I’m far from the only person singing the praises of the Jack in the Box taco. Meghan Markle and Selena Gomez are among the celebrity fans of the cat food with American cheese taco. Gomez even had a birthday cake made of the rancid delight. I might be crazy, but I’m not alone.

selenagomez

A post shared by @selenagomez

Last week, shortly after posting a long article about TACO Trump, I drove up to Pasadena again to see a play, A Doll’s House Part 2. As I often do with the theater, I ate a light snack before the lengthy drive from Long Beach, intending to pick something up on the way home. My mind kept returning to the cat food I’d wanted after the Angels game.

Jack in the Box is not my favorite West Coast food. That title belongs to Del Taco, which was purchased by Jack in the Box in 2021. Del Taco’s beef is far better than Jack in the Box or its more mainstream rival, Taco Bell. Its Del Beef burrito is one of the marvels of modern fast food, an overpowering combo of beef, cheese, and red sauce. Having Del Taco in its portfolio has apparently not improved the quality of Jack in the Box’s food.

Jack in the Box does have one thing going for it. Their shakes are way better than Del Taco’s or Carl’s Jr.’s. While their tacos taste like cat food, their shakes actually taste like they could have milk in them (notice how none of these “shakes” ever have milk in the title). With In-N-Out’s perpetually awful drive-thru lines even worse at night, Jack in the Box is one of the few late-night options with a shake that isn’t a glorified dairy-infused slushie.

One of my exes lived half a block from Jack in the Box while she was attending law school at USC. When Jack in the Box modified their breakfast menu and began a big advertising push, I used to text her in the morning asking if she had started her day with the Box. I finally stopped after she told me she wanted to throw up, but we dated for four years after that. Looking at the breakfast menu, I can’t say I blame her.

What’s the appeal behind the cat food? The taco isn’t good, but I crave it every once in a while. The best I can say is that it doesn’t look like diarrhea in a bun, like half of Carl’s Jr.’s menu. Give me the cat food over the Double El Diablo any day.

Carl’s Jr.’s menu is way worse than the cat food.

Other people can claim nostalgia to explain their love of the Jack in the Box taco. I cannot. I did not eat one until I was in my late twenties. I did, however, order two tacos, a Jr. Jumbo Jack cheeseburger, and an Oreo Shake. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I enjoyed my crap meal.

What the hell is wrong with me? Probably a lot of things. What concerns me the most is that I spent an afternoon making fun of TACO Trump, only to go and eat tacos that I still refer to as cat food.

Is this the fabled Trump Derangement Syndrome? It’s possible. I didn’t think my burger or my tacos were very good, though I did adore the shake. But I’ll tell you something. Driving down the 710, alternating bad taco, even worse burger, and bad taco again, I was happy. I liked living in a country where I could get a taco and a burger from the same drive-thru. Of all the things Trump’s ruined, he hasn’t touched the cat food.

The Jack in the Box taco is not good, but it has character. There is no taco on the market quite like it, which is far less than we can say for the tens of millions in the MAGA cult. Sometimes things that are terrible deserve to be uplifted, if for no other reason than they dared to dream.

Somebody thought it was a good idea to put a slice of American cheese in a taco, a great abomination against mankind. That combination does not work at all. Jack in the Box sells 554 million of those tacos a year. The cat food is terrible, but I like it. Sometimes, you need to eat a little garbage to appreciate the little things in life.